philosophie.

致 勃拉姆兹op.119 no.1

滴淌的雨水，云雾缠绕着山腰就像这段你的记忆缠绕着我的灵魂。

看着你那双带有泪痕的双眼，我没有一个字说得出来。只有看见自己轻轻放在你脸颊的手，我才发现这是我第一次失去控制力。

我多希望，那一瞬间，我也许触摸到了你的灵魂。

或许你没有存在过。

my world of Romance

When I was little, I lived in a world of Romance. I’m not sure what has induced it – externally or internally. I would  be sitting on the grass with my little umbrella under a beautiful spring sun, blowing a dandelion, and as the seeds fly away in the mid air my vision blurs and with that I sensed that I was sitting on the green grass on the endless glen somewhere in England, with wild flowers surrounding me that emitted all kinds of fragrances.

Of course, I had no idea where England was, or that it was called England at all. But I knew, I was in place different.

The other day as I walk down Broadway in Manhattan, in the crisp air of a slightly warmer winter day, I suddenly felt that I was a child again. All the buildings surrounding me were so different, they took me back in time, back to my time of Romance. Everything was so well acquainted in the distant memory of mine as a little girl – who never even saw all these things. I felt so estranged, so wonderfully estranged in such a place – all the people seemed so wonderfully foreign and all the buildings, so wonderfully different.

At that moment, I was the only person in the world. Everything else was like the glen somewhere in England.

new year’s resolution

It took me seven days to come to a clear decision:

1. read more read more read more

2. listen more listen more listen more

3. summing up the above two: putting useful and meaningful information into my head as much as I can

4. (as a result:) becoming the kind of person I want to be – living in the frustration of striving instead of sulking in the comfort of failure.

5. discover who I can be.

6. take risks and pushing the limit of my comfort zone.

Merry CHRISTmas!

This Christmas season, I have come back to Toronto from New York, had some really authentic traditional Shan Xi and Cheng Du home-cooked meals, received text messages on my US phone saying “Merry Christmas” sent from numbers I don’t even recognize, and laughed so much today at a gathering with some friends in a long, long time that I feel so high.

But all in all, I have come to realize just how great it feels to have your loved ones around you – even if they are not physically there, you know they are in your heart and in your life. Seeing their smiles, hearing their voices, or even an email or text message delivering the best wishes – that is so priceless in life.

If you ask me what I want for Christmas, I really have nothing materialistic that I really want or need (okay, fine, maybe a pair of socks or something); but just having all these people around in my life and knowing that Love will always bind us through.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Robert Mann

昨天晚上和梓君又坎了一晚上，结果电话断了。

昨天去听一个庆祝Robert Mann的音乐会。其中主持人与听众听他畅谈音乐，生活。每次我看到一个白发的老人站在台上，还是在倾诉他一生对音乐的爱与执著，总会很受感动。

他讲到了关于现在年轻的音乐家包括音乐学生步入职业生涯太早，真正花在音乐学习上的时间被剥削掉了。虽然我同意这种看法，可是现在的社会普遍喜爱年轻的音乐家，逆流而上是很难的。这是否是一种”freak show”现象？年纪大小的作用在作曲家，作家，导演，画家等他们在成名的时候好像远比不上在音乐家这里看到的大；而真正老的音乐家也仅有那么几个。

我也不知道我到底想说些什么。

另外还有一点，他提到当初组建Juilliard String Quartet的时候，他们想要达到的目的是，”Play the music composed by the dead men in the way as if it could be composed in the modern time; and play the modern music and play with such ease and understanding so it could sound as if composed a long time ago.”

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Hudson河对岸新泽西的天是银蓝色的，可是曼哈顿头顶的天已经是绒丝般的黑了。河水反回来的光，初亮的街灯，古老建筑打上去的装饰灯，把眼前打造成了一个摄影棚。此时，生命变成了一场戏。

久时，乌云散去，我居然抬头再曼哈顿里看到了黑夜里耀眼的群星。