philosophie.

too jarring for a title

A thought came to my mind today, when Horowitz’ famous remark on the categorizing of pianists: “Jewish, gay, bad” kept jumping to my eyes everywhere lately.

And this thought is somehow tied to my recent reading of Beethoven’s letters and conversations.

I think, I have a probable answer (though of course this is not the only one) to why musicians (and artists) can be blatantly gay in a good number. That is, a man has two choices in the course of his life: one, pursue his dream and passion; another, be the “realistic and practical”, make a good living and support his family (wife, children, etc). Of course, it would the “ideal” if he could do both successfully and whole-heartedly, but sometimes they collide – not only that, to settled for the latter would be a shame and betrayal on the former. And so, we have some great musicians/artists who have chosen the pursuit of their art, without the ability to support (financially) a family.  And perhaps this is their destiny, a great challenge and gift God has bestowed upon these men. At the same time, when a man and a woman gets involved in a relationship, it is not easy to let it not lead anywhere serious (afterall, a man and a woman are to marry). And perhaps, homosexuality becomes an unconscious choice and one of the natural inclinations.

And this concludes my thought.

On a somewhat disjointed note..

Dear Marie, dear Bigot,

With the deepest regret I observe that the purest, most innocent of feelings can often be misinterpreted. Affectionately as you have received me in the past, it never occurred to me to assume anything other than that you were honouring me with your friendship. You must think me very vain and very petty if you suppose that the favourable disposition of even so excellent a person as you are would cause me to conclude at once that I have won her love. Besides, it is one of my first principles never to maintain a relationship other than one of friendship with another man’s wife.

…

Ludwig van Beethoven

When a German says it, I tend to believe.

1. 我想把网站翻新一下。

2. Bill Evans is better than Gluck’s “Armide”.  (at least I’d prefer Bill Evans)

3. 自己住就是舒服。

Schubert

Schubert’s “Diaries”

“Where other people keep diaries in which they record their momentary feelings, etc, Schubert simply kept sheets of music by him and confided his changing moods to them; and his soul being steeped in music, he put down notes when another man would resort to words.”

– Robert Schumann, letter to to Friedrich Wieck, 1829

jan 30

昨天我室友的妈妈从北京远道而至。我和室友是小学同学，所以阿姨打13年前就没再见过我。10年前我去区加拿大了，一直生活在国外。阿姨见到我说，没变！一看还一北京姑娘。

我心里美滋儿滋儿的。

就是一点，阿姨今晨很早就起来开始收拾房子，打扫卫生，场面十分壮观。看上去还是时差没倒过来。

我还是比较想多睡一会儿的..

speaking of Winterreise