Tonight, Jupiter string quartet played with a fellow pianist the Schumann piano quintet – and I was so very inspired. I don’t know what it is – maybe because I just simply haven’t heard more than 2 chamber music concert for the PAST YEAR. I really really miss playing chamber music.

Digging up the Schumann to listen!

This is the letter Beethoven wrote to the poet who wrote the poem for which Beethoven set his song:

Vienna, August 4, 1800.

MOST ESTEEMED FRIEND,–

You will receive with this one of my compositions published some years since, and yet, to my shame, you probably have never heard of it. I cannot attempt to excuse myself, or to explain why I dedicated a work to you which came direct from my heart, but never acquainted you with its existence, unless indeed in this way, that at first I did not know where you lived, and partly also from diffidence, which led me to think I might have been premature in dedicating a work to you before ascertaining that you approved of it. Indeed, even now I send you “Adelaide” with a feeling of timidity. You know yourself what changes the lapse of some years brings forth in an artist who continues to make progress; the greater the advances we make in art, the less are we satisfied with our works of an earlier date. My most ardent wish will be fulfilled if you are not dissatisfied with the manner in which I have set your heavenly “Adelaide” to music, and are incited by it soon to compose a similar poem; and if you do not consider my request too indiscreet, I would ask you to send it to me forthwith, that I may exert all my energies to approach your lovely poetry in merit. Pray regard the dedication as a token of the pleasure which your “Adelaide” conferred on me, as well as of the appreciation and intense delight your poetry always has inspired, and always will inspire in me.

When playing “Adelaide,” sometimes recall

Your sincere admirer,
BEETHOVEN.

—————

Banff is beautiful, albeit cold. This song touches just the tendermost part of a heart – especially that it comes from Beethoven!

I really wanted to attend this concert when I saw that Steven Isserlis was coming, and they would be performing the Ravel piano trio among others – and I knew then and there I could not miss this concert. Of course, Poulenc cello sonata and Janácek violin sonata were pieces I would like to hear live at a concert as well. Also on the programme were Liszt’s own transcription for cello and piano: Romance oubliée and La Lugubre Gondola (which, if I remember correctly, was on the funeral of Wagner). Ending the first half was a US premier of Thomas Adès’s own piece for cello and sonata Lieux retrouvés (on new music, I can almost always say it’s less about how good the piece is, but how great the performers are and how committed they are to bring it alive – that is not to say this piece was not a good piece, because I loved it).

I can’t say I’m a big fan of Janácek, but Anthony Marwood’s interpretation was enjoyable and understandable. (Perhaps it’s just me, but the first time ever I heard him play was him on the violin with his Florestan trio playing Brahms Op.8; and I couldn’t help but to always feel his sound was Brahmsian during this concert.. ). Then, Steven Isserlis came on the stage with that familiar mushroom-looking hair and comical personality (to me, at least). Then, the first note of the Liszt sounded, and I gasped inside – I had forgotten how beautifully he plays. He is a musician that I very much admire because of his extremely lively imagination in music as well as meticulous  attitude when it comes to working out the very details of sound/phrase/etc (I still remember when I played with my violinist a year ago for him, he worked forever on the beginning of the Brahms G+ violin sonata). Also, he seems to be an advocate of the good taste in non-vibrato (thank goodness there’s a string player who doesn’t vibrate every note!) – and when he does that, the music seems to just soar.

Poulenc was of course extremely enjoyable. But I wanted to say more about the Ravel trio. This is a piece I can’t even start thinking about – for it brings so much feelings and sounds, memories and ideals that even thinking about the piece played in my head would take me already into another world. I must say, the first movement was slightly faster than what I would prefer, and I also wish that the piano would provide more “wash of sound” sometimes for the strings. Other than that, it was dazzling – in the fourth movement I saw magpies chirping and flying about in the sky, there’s something I can almost ascertain to say is Chinese.

A side-remark: the piano was of course on full-stick.

I walked out of Carnegie Hall, looked to my left, there was the Times Square lighting up the night into a day. It was just a beautiful, warm spring night in New York City. I walked home with so much inspiring and love.

其实老师前些日子推荐给我好像是Polonaise-fantasie，但是被我婉言推谢了。目前唯一想弹的肖邦是几首夜曲，但是也一直没有机会下手。也许是从前年年后弹过第二奏鸣曲以后，不知不觉对肖邦开始了温柔的拒绝。到现在，我真的一首肖邦也不想/不敢碰。

不想和不敢的比例大概是相同的吧。

我觉得很有意思的是，肖邦的音乐是最容易让不喜欢古典音乐或对古典音乐一无所知的人喜欢上的音乐。有的部分确实和流行音乐很相近 – 和声，还有那右手旋律左手伴奏的织体吧，我猜想。还有一点是绝对利于追星捧星的流行音乐爱好者 – 一个人在弹肖邦的时候我们可以称他为“浪漫的钢琴王子” – 听上去真是裹了蜜糖的浪漫；相反我们不称弹巴赫或贝多芬成家的人为“浪漫的钢琴王子”（这些人好像都是些凸了顶的老头）。也许鉴于这些原因，对肖邦音乐精神不很了解的人随手就可以弹起肖邦，弹多了就把这东西弹腻了。

我并不是对非古典音乐爱好者表以歧视；我觉得自己能亲自弹起自己喜爱的音乐是件多么欢愉的事情。我想说，在古典音乐的演奏者里，肖邦也被弹腻了，弹坏了。

另外一点：我总觉得肖邦的音乐就想他本人一样，”a sickled”. 总觉得轻轻一碰哪里没有把握好，整个曲子就想他这个人一样被击碎或枯萎。我目前真实一点也不敢碰 – 自己一碰就会把它完全毁掉。

肖邦的音乐不知不觉成了古典音乐里的流行音乐（在钢琴音乐的范围内）。我觉得，在自己能够体味到跟多真正来自这个每每让我想起穿着蓝色天鹅绒夹克的维特的苍白音乐家的纯正精神以前，还是不弹，少听得好。

第一句中文一出来，我小小吃了一惊。

And this thought is somehow tied to my recent reading of Beethoven’s letters and conversations.

I think, I have a probable answer (though of course this is not the only one) to why musicians (and artists) can be blatantly gay in a good number. That is, a man has two choices in the course of his life: one, pursue his dream and passion; another, be the “realistic and practical”, make a good living and support his family (wife, children, etc). Of course, it would the “ideal” if he could do both successfully and whole-heartedly, but sometimes they collide – not only that, to settled for the latter would be a shame and betrayal on the former. And so, we have some great musicians/artists who have chosen the pursuit of their art, without the ability to support (financially) a family.  And perhaps this is their destiny, a great challenge and gift God has bestowed upon these men. At the same time, when a man and a woman gets involved in a relationship, it is not easy to let it not lead anywhere serious (afterall, a man and a woman are to marry). And perhaps, homosexuality becomes an unconscious choice and one of the natural inclinations.

And this concludes my thought.

On a somewhat disjointed note..

Dear Marie, dear Bigot,

With the deepest regret I observe that the purest, most innocent of feelings can often be misinterpreted. Affectionately as you have received me in the past, it never occurred to me to assume anything other than that you were honouring me with your friendship. You must think me very vain and very petty if you suppose that the favourable disposition of even so excellent a person as you are would cause me to conclude at once that I have won her love. Besides, it is one of my first principles never to maintain a relationship other than one of friendship with another man’s wife.

…

Ludwig van Beethoven

When a German says it, I tend to believe.

“Where other people keep diaries in which they record their momentary feelings, etc, Schubert simply kept sheets of music by him and confided his changing moods to them; and his soul being steeped in music, he put down notes when another man would resort to words.”

– Robert Schumann, letter to to Friedrich Wieck, 1829

I’ve always thought that there’s much of a similarity between Chinese romanticism and Germanic romanticism (up until… perhaps even the Expressionists). But recently, I’m not quite sure if it’s just a similarity between my own idea of romanticism (“idea” is perhaps misleading;  I don’t think we can form, logically, an “idea” about something like romanticism) and Germanic romanticism.

Why do I even begin to tear when I read the text of the very last stanza of the first song Gute Nacht from “Winterreise”.

Will dich im Traum nicht stören,
Wär schad’ um deine Ruh’.
Sollst meinen Tritt nicht hören -
Sacht, sacht die Türe zu !
Schreib im Vorübergehen
Ans Tor dir: Gute Nacht,
Damit du mögest sehen,
An dich hab’ ich gedacht.

滴淌的雨水，云雾缠绕着山腰就像这段你的记忆缠绕着我的灵魂。

看着你那双带有泪痕的双眼，我没有一个字说得出来。只有看见自己轻轻放在你脸颊的手，我才发现这是我第一次失去控制力。

我多希望，那一瞬间，我也许触摸到了你的灵魂。

或许你没有存在过。

昨天去听一个庆祝Robert Mann的音乐会。其中主持人与听众听他畅谈音乐，生活。每次我看到一个白发的老人站在台上，还是在倾诉他一生对音乐的爱与执著，总会很受感动。

他讲到了关于现在年轻的音乐家包括音乐学生步入职业生涯太早，真正花在音乐学习上的时间被剥削掉了。虽然我同意这种看法，可是现在的社会普遍喜爱年轻的音乐家，逆流而上是很难的。这是否是一种”freak show”现象？年纪大小的作用在作曲家，作家，导演，画家等他们在成名的时候好像远比不上在音乐家这里看到的大；而真正老的音乐家也仅有那么几个。

我也不知道我到底想说些什么。

另外还有一点，他提到当初组建Juilliard String Quartet的时候，他们想要达到的目的是，”Play the music composed by the dead men in the way as if it could be composed in the modern time; and play the modern music and play with such ease and understanding so it could sound as if composed a long time ago.”

—————-

Hudson河对岸新泽西的天是银蓝色的，可是曼哈顿头顶的天已经是绒丝般的黑了。河水反回来的光，初亮的街灯，古老建筑打上去的装饰灯，把眼前打造成了一个摄影棚。此时，生命变成了一场戏。

久时，乌云散去，我居然抬头再曼哈顿里看到了黑夜里耀眼的群星。