It is not the first time I hear the phrase “Music is an elite art.” My first reaction was always that of aversion, even though it has been said by some of my most respected mentors.

I don’t know about you, but the word “elite” is not a commendatory word in my world. It embodies the subtle kind of social segregation, an attitude of the superior, the stance of an arrogant. After all the equality in artistic expression as well as the status of a musician’s intellectual output Beethoven had fought for with his life and music, to hear that music is the art of the elite is almost blasphemous.

In my recent stay in this silence yet magnificent snow land, I have come to arrive at the polar side of my earlier feelings about this phrase. I have come to understand that the word “elite” signifies rather a conflicting state of being for a musician, rather than that of an arrogant attitude.  To say that music is an “elite” art, it really means that whoever decides to serve it must bear the burden of being lonely.

Loneliness has been my companion ever since I moved to Canada about eleven years ago. I was a child, I did not speak the language, and did not wish to speak my mother tongue with other children just because I needed friends. So it was loneliness that became my good friend, when music was not around. As I finally came to understand what piano playing is really about (that is, not related to any technical display of competence, not for the pleasing of others, and certainly not for fame or honour; but for the love for music and the need for artistic expression), loneliness accompanies from dawn until dusk, often presses its hand on my heart, seizes my breath.

Undoubtedly, I do have some of the best friends I could ever ask for, the most wonderful companion for life, and a few dearly loved mentors who always supported and encouraged me. They, too, know that such loneliness is what comes with the “profession” (if we can even call that) we chose, because the great population is not capable of understanding and appreciating this kind of art.

There, that last sentence sounded exactly like how I thought “elite” meant before.

In all actuality, I think that it’s really not that classical musicians are anymore well-educated or artistically endowed than the rest of the population. I think that “elite” means a state of being, but anyone potentially can achieve this state – that is, to fulfill and culture oneself to become capable of appreciating and understanding this “elite art”.  It is only a sad reality that not very many people have the urge to do that.

Why do you do what you do? If what you do is understood by so few, would you still continue doing that for the rest of your life? If you lose a physical ability that is instrumental in doing what you do – like losing hearing for a musician – would you continue to do what you do?

Beethoven did. And as I was reminded by a true musician just very recently, we live in that tradition of artistic integrity. I would say that I will do the same, even though the burden of serving such elite art is that of loneliness and constant dissatisfaction.

Beethoven composed some of the most glorious music in his complete lonesome world. In this superficial world, perhaps it is rather a blessing.

This was taken from three years ago. Oh my dear ethereal youth! haha.

When I met up with him for lunch today, I couldn’t even recognize him due to his decision on breeding a full beard – a bit of an unfair game here, since men can veritably change their look drastically within such a short period of time and us women cannot (well, unless you go overboard with the makeup, which definitely takes longer than shaving).

Within a the span of the time it takes for a lunch, I got to hear about his travels (only briefly) in Europe, or I should say all over Europe. Then we inevitably decided on a few pieces to learn together over the summer – which always makes me so happy! Summer is a great time for chamber music, and for relaxing with not many deadlines for learning pieces which means I can usually take my time and work on the things I have always wanted to work on.

New York has been drizzling and raining on and off for the past few days, and I can only say that I am absolutely taking delight in the the permeating of water through the sky.  Something about rainy days that connects one’s memories from the distant past and put them all together, sometimes as disparate as they may be, into one big harmonious Cosmo of  scent, sentiment, sound, love, life.  On rainy nights I am always transfixed.

One of the most recent memories of rainy days was one day in New Haven – which is where J will be going this fall to attend Yale. I am thoroughly happy for him, and he looked at me and said, half jokingly, I am definitely not feeling guilty about any of this after all that has happened to me this year. I said, why would you feel guilty? He chuckled, and said, ‘cuz I’m Jewish?

Now, that’s a culture I have only heard about when I was growing up in China but only got to know better and more personally recently.  You might remember when I wrote about my friend Mindy, who is also Jewish, who during her last visit recommended me this book called The Inextinguishable Symphony: A True Story of Music and Love in Nazi Germany. I think the title introduces the content pretty concisely. I am going to start reading it today and we’ll see what kind of a journey it will take me.

Also, I am going to recommend National Geographic Music Explorer – Tango Passion (yes you can listen to the entire album by clicking the link) to those who enjoy tango and tango music like I do. Possibly one of the best and most authentic.

得了，这捅捅那弄弄我把博客又改了一个版，打算重操旧业，收拾一下破江山。欢迎大家订阅。以上推荐了一个探戈CD，是我听过的最好的之一。

That is, putting aside Natalie Portman’s acting – she’s simply an outstanding actress.

The story is not so new, and I really don’t buy some of the stereotypical impositions on artists. In order to become that “black swan”, in order to give in to your dark side, to be seductive, one needs to do drugs, be promiscuous, be rude and ill-mannered, etc. I really don’t buy that.

I believe the alleged “darkness” is in the disposition of an artist – in other words, it is by and large inborn, it cannot be acquired by simply trying to experience some things like drugs and sex – in fact, the belief that it could is utterly despicable in my eyes. That is precisely what happened to the main character Nina. Her disposition is that of an uptight, perfection-ridden girl; even after she tries all these things (drugs, sex, etc) she ends up hurting herself because she does not have that capacity to embrace these seemingly “darker” qualities of the black swan she needed to portray. Trying would only result in the ironic perfection – death (although I would like to believe in reality she didn’t die).

Certainly, (and also ironically) the positive qualities don’t make a complete artist. I often take Beethoven as an example – his rudeness, uncontrolled rage and passion, seemingly ego-centric view of art and artist do not portray a kind, sweet, loving person. But in his music, we find the most noble qualities one can find in the human kind. That is the coolest thing, for me at least, a perfect and healthy blend of black swan and the white swan.

In the end, I believe true beauty and true perfection does not lead to darkness and pain, and that is perhaps what I call a perfect balance of a healthy artist.

Right after my last school engagement, I partied. I had a wonderful time cooking with my girlfriend, had some drinks, made some milkshake (newly invented recipe!) and had a great time watching Letters to Juliet. The next day, I met up with another long-missed girlfriend visiting from Boston (and her boyfriend!), after that, another party. Oh yeah.

Except, I really really really just want to sit and do nothing for a while. You know, nobody to bother you, listen to some good music, read some good books, keep life’s shit out of the door.

So that’s what I’m doing tonight. Have a good sleep.

—

A song I randomly heard yesterday which was used in a movie I watched a while ago, only I can’t remember what. But I love the feel this song gives.  Hope you also get to unwind. :)

Sof says:
how’s school?
Qi says:
busy, isnt it always
Sof says:
ok

…

k me go jogging now
Qi says:
good luck
Sof says:
to not fall off the face of the earth?
thanks
i believe gravity will still be here for me
Qi says:
not get hit by something heavy and moving
Sof says:
hahaha
ok

最近一次听郎朗，应该是他的贝多芬协奏曲的录音。我觉得他录的贝多芬我不是太能够接受。和我想象的贝多芬有些背道而驰；听到的都是郎朗，而贝多芬的声音似乎被淡化了，埋没了。那种为命运而呐喊的声音变成了一种华丽的炫耀，个人的抒情。

但是我记得第一次听到他弹的Abbegg Variations和Wanderer Fantasie的时候。Abbegg Variations的前几个音一下子就把我紧紧地抓住了，那真是一种魔力。Wanderer里面，尤其是慢板的地方，那种魔力又一次出现。当然还有听他现场音乐会，演奏到匈牙利狂想曲的时候（其实我真的一点也不是匈牙利狂想曲的拥护者）那种从他演奏里感受到的，似乎被灌注到身体里每一条血管里的那种激动，是从未有过的。

是的，他眼珠子有的时候是瞪得太大了，腿踢得太高了，手舞足蹈太滑稽太多余了，手弹琴的时候没有架子，不尊重原作者等等等等。可是，有一点，他弹琴的时候你根本不可能离开他的音乐思路，挥挥手，走向另外一个方向。不提对作品的研究，单说他对音色的把握是很少有人能够达到的。尤其是在意想不到的颜色悄然展现的时候，那种感觉完全就是魔力。只能如此形容。

叔本华(A.Schopenhauer)认为音乐是艺术的最高体态，高于绘画，文学，雕塑；因为它是抽象的艺术，是人类情感最直接的表达，不像绘画等借助客观形态来表达主观意识。这也解释了为什么在听完Radu Lupu的贝多芬第三钢琴协奏曲第二乐章的仅仅第二个音以后，我的泪水就无法控制地流下来。

不管有人会多么讨厌郎朗，但是我不得不承认，他对音乐的热爱以及他的看似无限的激情和极其丰富的想象力真的很是让我敬佩。

另外一点，就是他对中国甚至亚洲文化做出的贡献。

我从来没有见过有音乐学院会把最大的音乐厅拿出来做大师班，尤其是钢琴大师班。在美国和加拿大（欧洲我没去过），声乐是件非常受人欢迎的艺术 – 这和西方音乐史有着很直接的联系。上流社会总是对歌唱家或与声乐有关的活动报有极大的热情；对钢琴相比之下就少一些（或很多；这跟地域也有关系）。那么，郎朗来了，最大的音乐厅里坐满了人；有些看似是纽约上流社会的一些男士女士，华人西人，学生里有钢琴专业的和非钢琴专业的。在30年前，就算是10年前，我们可以想象一个中国音乐家能够在美国，在纽约，如此受欢迎么？在郎朗成名的同时，他让世界多看看中国，他把中国作曲家的作品介绍给世界。

如果你是一个听古典音乐仅仅为了寻求理性，知性的满足的人，当然你会对郎朗产生反感。但是音乐的目的是什么？我认为最终还是去感动别人，不论你做的摇滚，金属，流行还是古典。那么如果你想被感动，不妨偶尔听听郎朗。他玩的不仅仅是音乐，而是魔术，是激情。

Tonight, Jupiter string quartet played with a fellow pianist the Schumann piano quintet – and I was so very inspired. I don’t know what it is – maybe because I just simply haven’t heard more than 2 chamber music concert for the PAST YEAR. I really really miss playing chamber music.

Digging up the Schumann to listen!