loneliness

posted by on 2011.11.27, under all
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It is not the first time I hear the phrase “Music is an elite art.” My first reaction was always that of aversion, even though it has been said by some of my most respected mentors.

I don’t know about you, but the word “elite” is not a commendatory word in my world. It embodies the subtle kind of social segregation, an attitude of the superior, the stance of an arrogant. After all the equality in artistic expression as well as the status of a musician’s intellectual output Beethoven had fought for with his life and music, to hear that music is the art of the elite is almost blasphemous.

In my recent stay in this silence yet magnificent snow land, I have come to arrive at the polar side of my earlier feelings about this phrase. I have come to understand that the word “elite” signifies rather a conflicting state of being for a musician, rather than that of an arrogant attitude.  To say that music is an “elite” art, it really means that whoever decides to serve it must bear the burden of being lonely.

Loneliness has been my companion ever since I moved to Canada about eleven years ago. I was a child, I did not speak the language, and did not wish to speak my mother tongue with other children just because I needed friends. So it was loneliness that became my good friend, when music was not around. As I finally came to understand what piano playing is really about (that is, not related to any technical display of competence, not for the pleasing of others, and certainly not for fame or honour; but for the love for music and the need for artistic expression), loneliness accompanies from dawn until dusk, often presses its hand on my heart, seizes my breath.

Undoubtedly, I do have some of the best friends I could ever ask for, the most wonderful companion for life, and a few dearly loved mentors who always supported and encouraged me. They, too, know that such loneliness is what comes with the “profession” (if we can even call that) we chose, because the great population is not capable of understanding and appreciating this kind of art.

There, that last sentence sounded exactly like how I thought “elite” meant before.

In all actuality, I think that it’s really not that classical musicians are anymore well-educated or artistically endowed than the rest of the population. I think that “elite” means a state of being, but anyone potentially can achieve this state – that is, to fulfill and culture oneself to become capable of appreciating and understanding this “elite art”.  It is only a sad reality that not very many people have the urge to do that.

Why do you do what you do? If what you do is understood by so few, would you still continue doing that for the rest of your life? If you lose a physical ability that is instrumental in doing what you do – like losing hearing for a musician – would you continue to do what you do?

Beethoven did. And as I was reminded by a true musician just very recently, we live in that tradition of artistic integrity. I would say that I will do the same, even though the burden of serving such elite art is that of loneliness and constant dissatisfaction.

Beethoven composed some of the most glorious music in his complete lonesome world. In this superficial world, perhaps it is rather a blessing.

 

La Valse – by Ravel

posted by on 2011.09.27, under all
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This was taken from three years ago. Oh my dear ethereal youth! haha.

a song for the newly weds

posted by on 2011.08.29, under all
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My two girlfriends got married. :) Congratulations Em and Stella! Here’s a song that I recently fell in love with, Zurück Ins Paradies by Die Prinzen, dedicated to the two brides and whoever else is falling in love, engaged or married!

 

June 24

posted by on 2011.06.24, under all
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My good friend J came back to town.

When I met up with him for lunch today, I couldn’t even recognize him due to his decision on breeding a full beard – a bit of an unfair game here, since men can veritably change their look drastically within such a short period of time and us women cannot (well, unless you go overboard with the makeup, which definitely takes longer than shaving).

Within a the span of the time it takes for a lunch, I got to hear about his travels (only briefly) in Europe, or I should say all over Europe. Then we inevitably decided on a few pieces to learn together over the summer – which always makes me so happy! Summer is a great time for chamber music, and for relaxing with not many deadlines for learning pieces which means I can usually take my time and work on the things I have always wanted to work on.

New York has been drizzling and raining on and off for the past few days, and I can only say that I am absolutely taking delight in the the permeating of water through the sky.  Something about rainy days that connects one’s memories from the distant past and put them all together, sometimes as disparate as they may be, into one big harmonious Cosmo of  scent, sentiment, sound, love, life.  On rainy nights I am always transfixed.

One of the most recent memories of rainy days was one day in New Haven – which is where J will be going this fall to attend Yale. I am thoroughly happy for him, and he looked at me and said, half jokingly, I am definitely not feeling guilty about any of this after all that has happened to me this year. I said, why would you feel guilty? He chuckled, and said, ‘cuz I’m Jewish?

Now, that’s a culture I have only heard about when I was growing up in China but only got to know better and more personally recently.  You might remember when I wrote about my friend Mindy, who is also Jewish, who during her last visit recommended me this book called The Inextinguishable Symphony: A True Story of Music and Love in Nazi Germany. I think the title introduces the content pretty concisely. I am going to start reading it today and we’ll see what kind of a journey it will take me.

 

Ok. back to this blogging business!

posted by on 2011.06.10, under 中文
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As you might see, I have changed the layout yet again for my blog; added a few plugins and widgets, totally happy with the way it is. I really haven’t been keeping up with my blogging for.. well, at least the past two years. This is all going to change! (hopefully) Please feel free to subscribe.

Also, I am going to recommend National Geographic Music Explorer – Tango Passion (yes you can listen to the entire album by clicking the link) to those who enjoy tango and tango music like I do. Possibly one of the best and most authentic.

得了,这捅捅那弄弄我把博客又改了一个版,打算重操旧业,收拾一下破江山。欢迎大家订阅。以上推荐了一个探戈CD,是我听过的最好的之一。

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