青春太美好，但走得似乎有些太快；我的心总是跟不上岁月的脚步，虽然自己已经快活了一个世纪的四分之一，心里上好像还停留在18岁。10年前我上小学，那时候看《还珠》憧憬的是等以后我有了爱人，一定要怎样怎样对待他爱护他；有那样能与之策马奔腾的朋友一定要珍惜和信任。而现在，确是看着《新还珠》自己在做检讨，要怎样更珍惜眼前人，呵呵。10年前的小燕子和紫薇都是姐姐们，现在她们都是妹妹辈了。

网上看到很多很恶毒的攻击《新还珠》的言论。其实我觉得不欣赏的东西没有必要公开地谩骂得如此入骨 -说实在的我一开始也不习惯这些新演员 – 但是很多事情如果我们给予机会，都能够小小欣赏一下。欣赏一件事情比批判一件事情更省力，不是么？我觉得《新还珠》拍得雍容华贵多了，也更加注重亲情和人情；其中很多关于子女的教育到是对眼下中国父母的一种很好的劝解。琼瑶阿姨不愧是催泪弹的制造者，缠缠绵绵的情谊在这冷漠的世道中却带来太多的温馨。

我希望将来我的孩子在长大的过程中也能接触到这样一部电影、一部影视剧、一本书、一首曲让她/他懂得青春的难能可贵，懂得对爱情的坚贞不渝，懂得对朋友的重情重义，懂得对亲情的温情婉婉；还有最重要的就是对自己追求的勇往直前，勇敢地活出生命的潇潇洒洒。

The next movie that I’m looking forward to (laugh if you wish) is the Smurfs movie, especially seeing it in New York about the Smurfs in New York. :) It’s as if my childhood companions have come to visit me after twenty years, it is rather an exciting prospect. (I don’t know about you, but I grew up with Smurfs colouring books and Smurfs books teaching me what an apple was and how to spell “red” while attending a kindergarten in China that has a section of the outdoor playground schemed on the mushroom houses; as I grew a little older I owned Smurfs erasers and sang the theme song to school so as you could understand, when I say “childhood companion” I really mean it).

Other than that, I have received a post card sent by my dear violinist friend J from Paris/Berlin. The slash indicates a confusion in that he wrote the card while he was in Berlin but the official post stamp was from Paris. I was elated to have received it in the mail – J has been gone for almost three weeks to Europe and I haven’t heard a thing from him since he had left except the rare occasions of seeing him on gmail chat, but even then I wanted to leave this his whole “expat” experience more authentic (and perhaps mine, too, as I am living on the other end of his experience) so I never said a thing.  He will be back to NYC soon, and I’m sure there will be loads of stories to tell over luscious dinner parties. J, safe travels and yes, MET museum will be a must!

That is, putting aside Natalie Portman’s acting – she’s simply an outstanding actress.

The story is not so new, and I really don’t buy some of the stereotypical impositions on artists. In order to become that “black swan”, in order to give in to your dark side, to be seductive, one needs to do drugs, be promiscuous, be rude and ill-mannered, etc. I really don’t buy that.

I believe the alleged “darkness” is in the disposition of an artist – in other words, it is by and large inborn, it cannot be acquired by simply trying to experience some things like drugs and sex – in fact, the belief that it could is utterly despicable in my eyes. That is precisely what happened to the main character Nina. Her disposition is that of an uptight, perfection-ridden girl; even after she tries all these things (drugs, sex, etc) she ends up hurting herself because she does not have that capacity to embrace these seemingly “darker” qualities of the black swan she needed to portray. Trying would only result in the ironic perfection – death (although I would like to believe in reality she didn’t die).

Certainly, (and also ironically) the positive qualities don’t make a complete artist. I often take Beethoven as an example – his rudeness, uncontrolled rage and passion, seemingly ego-centric view of art and artist do not portray a kind, sweet, loving person. But in his music, we find the most noble qualities one can find in the human kind. That is the coolest thing, for me at least, a perfect and healthy blend of black swan and the white swan.

In the end, I believe true beauty and true perfection does not lead to darkness and pain, and that is perhaps what I call a perfect balance of a healthy artist.

身边男同性恋朋友不少 – 在音乐学院里这是司空见惯的了，再加上成长于加拿大这个同性恋结婚已合法的国家，这好像是很平常的事情。我不存在对这些人的私人歧视；虽然作为个人观点来看，严肃地排斥这种做法。

说到底，我认为还是看我们对“爱”的定义是什么，“爱“和“性“的关系是什么。我并不是要宣扬 唯有 没有性的爱 才 是最高尚的 – 我并不是指伯拉图式爱情；我是指那些不可以发生性关系的爱人，比如有身体缺陷的，比如说介于某些人际关系不可以发生此关系的 – 像勃拉姆兹与克拉拉舒曼（至于有人认为他们有过此关系，这与此篇文章无关无连，另当讨论）。但我相信，如果在爱里能够牺牲性这个东西并坚持去爱的，一定是真爱。

那么由此看来，我并不认为他们的爱是一种纯洁的高尚的爱情，因为很显然二人之中的一人为了耐不住性方面的寂寞而多次与别人发生关系。这如果不放在同性恋人身上，就算是男女之爱上，也无法因为是一段美丽的爱情而感动我。

是的，爱情是我们无法控制的；我们无法选择与谁坠入情网，或何时坠入情网；但是，我们可以控制一些兽性的私欲。 （是的，我崇尚那有节制的，深沉的，浪漫的，永不言弃的爱情 – 虽然我自己很难做到）

我听得太多的关于性是体味爱的最亲密的途径之说法；但是，如果性变成了爱的必需品，在我看来，这爱就不是纯洁，高尚和美丽的了。

—-

爱是恒久忍耐，又有恩慈。爱是不嫉妒。爱是不自夸。不张狂。
不作害羞的事。不求自己的益处。不轻易发怒。不计算人的恶。
不喜欢不义。只喜欢真理。
凡事包容。凡事相信。凡事盼望。凡事忍耐。

- 哥林多前书1：4-7节

昨晚看了《十月围城》，觉睡得很安稳。

我们都先是人，再是革命者。不论是政治铜钱的哪个面，我们都想去保护我们爱的人，都想过上好日子，都有心底为之执着的一个人，或事，或物。我觉得这就是这部电影反映最真切的一件事。

中国，她对自己文化根基的固守以致对西方“文明”的排挤。我在中国的这种“衷心”及看到的西方进步 – 即基督教传讲的“人命可贵，人人平等”之中感到极为痛苦，为我们的祖国感叹。

这是一个中国放不下“面子”的问题么？我想没有这么简单。

西方基督教宣扬的人命可贵，人人平等，但同时又是这些西方人卖给我们鸦片，侵略我们的领土；可是在那个特殊的时期，如果我们不选择走向民主，我不敢想象我们的未来会是什么样子的。

又想到港台华人，包括一些海外华人对中国及中国政府的偏见，还有反之的偏见：其实我们都是革命过来的，都是有前人流血牺牲换来的。哪里都有那些为了自己选定的而坚定不移地去相信的理想而付出自己的生命及超出自己生命的人。并且，我想，最痛苦的并不是牺牲，而是和这些牺牲的人一起经历但没有牺牲的人。

我们都先是人，再是革命者。

我们都先是人。

My feeling is just that the movie is trying too hard to be narrative, trying to catch up with the books and the expectation of the fans; it kind of lost some of the movie quality it should have. When Dumbledore died, it wasn’t so sad or shocking as it was in the movie (okay, maybe we all know how the story goes, so it takes away a bit of that surprise.. but still, I wouldn’t have minded if there were more suspense).

The last book is still sitting on my shelf. For some reason, my subconscious just refuses to read it. Perhaps it wants the story to never end – albeit knowing it’s impossible. I still have a slightest hope that Snape isn’t on the evil side….. I really hope so. But from what I heard, this is not the case. :(

And Steph, I really miss called our chemistry class “potion class” in high school!