philosophie.

还有一个礼拜就放假了

好久没有照照片儿了。

莫名的感到现在照出点独特的片儿困难。潜意识先宁缺勿滥吧。

这个礼拜是黎明前的黑暗，是一段时间努力的考验和结果，是自己打败自己的机会。我的春假再也不遥遥无期 – 我会背上相机去中央公园走走，起床以后赖在床上看书-吃饭-看书，提前把高跟鞋全部拎出来示威给春天。

我去年一个学期的青春啊，你就在泪水里流走吧。你是我生命里最黑暗的日子之一，但是，我感谢你。

新年寄语？

好久没有在傍晚梦醒，迷惘在一个海市蜃楼般的梦呓，一个乐园，一个花园。

年过了，今天突然想到这是第一个没有和父亲或母亲过的春节。不过好像在好久以前就习惯了，没什么感觉了。如果没有任何事物搅动我那儿时对春节的色彩缤纷的记忆，我是没有一丝忧愁的。

好像我的春节都过得在于给外国人解释为什么我们中国人很看重春节。

似乎对于那些听似顺耳，看似吉利的话，也没有感觉了。当然，意外收到朋友的祝福还是一件十分温暖的事情。

都朝着一个目标，努力并勇敢地前行吧。

Happy snowstorm!

All classes are cancelled today, due to snowstorm. My initial reaction was so positive – habit from childhood I guess, but then I realized that it would mean no Beethoven/Brahms/Schubert class, and no Pam Frank masterclass. Then, I became a little sad. Just enough to make me realize that I can use the time to practise more, which cheered me up once again.

I just took the cross-town bus which took me across Central Park; it was such a beautiful scene. I had really no idea. Unfortunately I cannot take my nikon baby out to shoot, but when I get a chance, you’ll know where I’ll be.

Otherwise, my random jottings are as follows:

1/ today during my lesson, my teacher suggested me to make a particularly section more “sexy”. (when I come to think of it, I only ever hear this “technical term” used by male pianists)

2/ I love seeing the reaction of adults (I’m talking 20′s) who see snow for the first time in their lives.

3/ Things seem to be turning up well as of late, really. I’m quite glad and thankful.

too jarring for a title

A thought came to my mind today, when Horowitz’ famous remark on the categorizing of pianists: “Jewish, gay, bad” kept jumping to my eyes everywhere lately.

And this thought is somehow tied to my recent reading of Beethoven’s letters and conversations.

I think, I have a probable answer (though of course this is not the only one) to why musicians (and artists) can be blatantly gay in a good number. That is, a man has two choices in the course of his life: one, pursue his dream and passion; another, be the “realistic and practical”, make a good living and support his family (wife, children, etc). Of course, it would the “ideal” if he could do both successfully and whole-heartedly, but sometimes they collide – not only that, to settled for the latter would be a shame and betrayal on the former. And so, we have some great musicians/artists who have chosen the pursuit of their art, without the ability to support (financially) a family.  And perhaps this is their destiny, a great challenge and gift God has bestowed upon these men. At the same time, when a man and a woman gets involved in a relationship, it is not easy to let it not lead anywhere serious (afterall, a man and a woman are to marry). And perhaps, homosexuality becomes an unconscious choice and one of the natural inclinations.

And this concludes my thought.

On a somewhat disjointed note..

Dear Marie, dear Bigot,

With the deepest regret I observe that the purest, most innocent of feelings can often be misinterpreted. Affectionately as you have received me in the past, it never occurred to me to assume anything other than that you were honouring me with your friendship. You must think me very vain and very petty if you suppose that the favourable disposition of even so excellent a person as you are would cause me to conclude at once that I have won her love. Besides, it is one of my first principles never to maintain a relationship other than one of friendship with another man’s wife.

…

Ludwig van Beethoven

When a German says it, I tend to believe.

1. 我想把网站翻新一下。

2. Bill Evans is better than Gluck’s “Armide”.  (at least I’d prefer Bill Evans)

3. 自己住就是舒服。