It was a drizzling early morning. The cab was waiting for me on the quiet lane, I got on the cab, it was 3:40AM.
The cab flew on the nearly empty roads in New York City, a sight I had never seen before. The window was slightly open, in the night, I breathed in the soft air coated by the darkness and tenderness of the night. It took me many many places.
My childhood came by. And that night stroll by the sea in complete darkness, only its gentle roar from afar. Of the night I, in the company of another, in a house in the forest, nothing else but the rain and hearts of many colours.
It was lovely. All the recollections only choose the best time to revisit you.
My flight took me to Vancouver first. The city in which I always seem to find some deeper understanding of my life.
It was beautiful as usual; sunny, cloudless and extremely welcoming. In its complete beauty, I thought to myself, what if I just end up living here and … what would my life be? What would I do and how would I feel? Sometimes you think you know what you are doing with your life, but then, when you are taken out of its continuous flow, you suddenly feel dubious.
Played a concert when I hadn’t touched a bed in 24 hours was a first. To say that my physical condition didn’t lend me any strength, I’d rather think that my mental state had simply given up.
I got sick the (very early) morning before the flight to Calgary. When we reached Calgary, the scene had not made me feel any better. Calgary had been the transfer point for some of my trips before, but I had never really gotten into the city. It was a vast, empty and very spread-out place. So very similar to Edmonton – where we went next.
I saw stars, quietly smiling back at me in the sky. The last time I had seen that must have been the night before I moved to New York in the suburban area of Buffalo. The wind was strong, the cities hardly had any trees or even shrubs. It almost reminded me of Tibet.
In the heart of all this solitude, my heart was burning for You. The people who came to the concert were very warm and had given me so much more confidence. In all this vastness and quietness, I hear Your voice and pined for you; I knew You have always been there.
———–
Raindrops are cold, teardrops are warm.
In the swaying trees and the dim lights, my head was flying and I had no thoughts.
You asked what I was thinking.
How can I explain my emotions? They cannot be understood by words or gestures. If only I could pour all this into the music at the moment, and play you in the soft rain of all the things that pushed my tears out of my eyes and mingled them with the autumn rain.
I have only one heart – an ardent, fragile, burning heart. Protected by your love, I only want to give all of it to you; to sing to you endlessly despite its unworthiness.
