I am just finishing the second week of the summer residency of the Banff summer music program.

Tonight, Jupiter string quartet played with a fellow pianist the Schumann piano quintet – and I was so very inspired. I don’t know what it is – maybe because I just simply haven’t heard more than 2 chamber music concert for the PAST YEAR. I really really miss playing chamber music.

Digging up the Schumann to listen!

This is the letter Beethoven wrote to the poet who wrote the poem for which Beethoven set his song:

Vienna, August 4, 1800.

MOST ESTEEMED FRIEND,–

You will receive with this one of my compositions published some years since, and yet, to my shame, you probably have never heard of it. I cannot attempt to excuse myself, or to explain why I dedicated a work to you which came direct from my heart, but never acquainted you with its existence, unless indeed in this way, that at first I did not know where you lived, and partly also from diffidence, which led me to think I might have been premature in dedicating a work to you before ascertaining that you approved of it. Indeed, even now I send you “Adelaide” with a feeling of timidity. You know yourself what changes the lapse of some years brings forth in an artist who continues to make progress; the greater the advances we make in art, the less are we satisfied with our works of an earlier date. My most ardent wish will be fulfilled if you are not dissatisfied with the manner in which I have set your heavenly “Adelaide” to music, and are incited by it soon to compose a similar poem; and if you do not consider my request too indiscreet, I would ask you to send it to me forthwith, that I may exert all my energies to approach your lovely poetry in merit. Pray regard the dedication as a token of the pleasure which your “Adelaide” conferred on me, as well as of the appreciation and intense delight your poetry always has inspired, and always will inspire in me.

When playing “Adelaide,” sometimes recall

Your sincere admirer,
BEETHOVEN.

—————

Banff is beautiful, albeit cold. This song touches just the tendermost part of a heart – especially that it comes from Beethoven!

I think no matter how many times I see Manhattan from the airplane or the surrounding boroughs, it will never cease to make me gasp inside.

Summer in New York is hot, and the abundant light reflected off of the glasses of the skyscrapers light up the streets which are normally devoid of any direct sunlight. That makes you feel like you are living in a synthetic world.

Flushing Queen’s is a different story. It’s a sunny day, walking on the shady lane with all kinds of flowers sticking their heads out of their designated yards, makes you feel happy even when you are temporarily homeless.

But I did find an apartment and it seems like I will be living in west Harlem overlooking the Hudson river starting late Aug!

It took me a good week to get used to NYC time – but I’m still slightly jet-lagged. Even better, tomorrow I’m flying to Banff (Calgary, Canada) which is 2 hours behind NYC time. What does this mean? Feeling sleepy at dinner time and waking up at 3AM. Luckily I’ll be participating in a music program and I won’t have to fight the practice room with any other pianists.

And if you are bored, here’s NYC, live!

玫瑰茄是一种花，干花可以泡茶。至于它的别的功效我就不说了 – 因为我也不熟悉， 只来把它当茶说。

6月份的丽江人头攒动，白天夜晚都是人，还都是花里胡哨的（女）人。到达的前几天，丽江总是阴云密布，随时都会一点也不吝啬地抛下些雨水。一天早晨我独自前往木府参观，在参观完转回大门的途中不巧又是嘀嗒小雨。我正好走到了木府里一个品酒的休息处，看到那里正在介绍“木老爷”酒 （用高海拔苦荞酿成的当地的一种白酒），随性要了一盅，独自品尝。这时一名30来岁的汉人男子走来，说，你应该加点冰试试，口感会更不一样。我于是加了一点，一品入口，没想到会是如此甘甜，一点也不像干喝的那样烈，品起来就像干邑。他介绍给我说，这白酒是中国唯一能加冰喝的白酒，他是部门经理。

这么聊着就认识了。后来他邀请我们晚上一起吃饭。在丽江就是这么容易交朋友。

我与Eric准时赴约。他和另外一个帅气的纳西小伙（后来我知道他比我还小一岁）带我们到了大研古城外的一家纳西土家餐馆。长话短说，我和Eric在那里喝的太高兴，而我从来不怎么喝酒，尤其是他们土家酿的白酒。在纳西人热情的敬酒里，我根本没意识地喝得太多了。

所以，回到客栈就吐。吐得比较惨不忍睹。

清晨，起床后发现胃好像吐得透支了，什么也吃不下去。下午时分，和Eric逛到一条小巷里的Well Bistro，坐下，偶尔看到茶水单上有种花茶叫玫瑰茄，它的功效里简单地提了一句“醒酒”。试试吧，没有什么比吐更差的了。一杯茶，一小蝶冰糖被端上来，酒红色的茶水看着特别温馨。

这种茶很酸，一定要加糖或蜂蜜，饮用起来酸甜，有点像北京的酸梅汤。

我们打开棋盘，对弈，饮茶，几个小时过后我突然意识到我的胃感觉好多了，甚至完全没有问题了。所以，从此我就对玫瑰茄情有独钟。

当然，不一定要在醉酒后饮用，这种茶含有很高的维C，据介绍还有养颜等功效。我特地在离开丽江之前买了点产自云贵高原的玫瑰茄，现在它在我纽约的行李里面。搬家时一定不忘拿出来放进厨房壁柜，有机会你来我家做客一定要尝尝我的玫瑰茄。

这次从中国回来，感到自己以前的很多想法都是特别片面的。说它片面，其实也是感到自己的想法慢慢变的很西化 – 到也不是被白人化了，只是由于对自己民族文化和传统的生疏导致自己以前的想法现在想起来多少有些陌生，而且在告诉别人自己是中国人时感到的那种匮乏。

虽然生长在国外十年了，但是好像每次在回国以后才能找到一个很平衡的处世方法。每次更加接近自己的文化，就越对自己充满自信，越发知道自己在这个世界的位置。那么我想，身怀identity crisis的朋友们会是多么不幸。而似乎很少取决我们的主观意识，identity crisis最多还是依赖于外界环境。但是我想说，无论外界环境是如何的，我们这些成长在国外或者出生在国外的孩子永远不能放弃对自己本民族文化的了解和追求。几天前与家人去潭柘寺看到里面的高耸云霄的千年柏树，表哥告诉我它插在地下的根要比树本身要长很多。人生就是这么一个道理，向下扎根，向上结果。而如我我们的根没了，我们会是什么呢？

当然有中国人出生在国外，长大以后他会感到他的里面应当是白人，而为什么他的外壳是中国人。这就像有的男人生下来就怨恨自己是个长为男人的女人一样。我很同情这些人。

另外一件深有感触的就是：有家人的感觉真好。在北京与媛的一段对话里她说，很多外国人说中国人没有信仰，但是我说中国人有信仰，这信仰就是亲人。虽然也许“信仰”包含了一些偏激，但是我很同意她的话。而在这次回国以后真正地感觉到，虽然我一直自己独立地生活，而且在中国人的亲情上总是抱以讽刺的态度，但是在人的众多不完美里，中国人会为亲人真挚地付出一切一切，虽然有时候这种做法让人透不过气。而就是在这种亲情里，我找到了我自己，我的根；找到了我的来处，我更加坚定我的去处。

这次同Eric一个美国人一起回去，看待中国一半是用外国人的眼光，一般又是一个中国人的眼光。在看到美好的事物时，我感到自豪；而在看到问题的存在时，我有时会觉得无法忍受。但是同时我会去用理解的眼光去看这些问题，然后解释给Eric。这些美好的和丑陋的我都深深地爱着，因为我知道我身体里就流着那一脉相成的热血，因为你多姿的美丽打动着我，我为你心痛也为你自豪。

你是我的亲人，我的母亲，我的祖国。